Closure

Before the transplant, we were told that we had the option to view Joaquin's kidneys after they were removed. For many parents, viewing the kidneys helps to bring peace to their decision and a sense of closure. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it, but today Meg rounded up Chris, Mom and I to go down to the pathology department to see Joaquin's kidneys. I was feeling a little hesitant yet excited to see what we had been up against. We get to the pathology department and are taken to a back room - I fel like I was visiting a morgue. After turning a couple corners we find ourselves in front of a stainless steel rolling cart with a green cloth covering what I'm guessing is Joaquin's kidneys. The pathologists look at us as if to see if we're ready and then, as if it were all in slow motion, they pulled back the cloth. There they were - Joaquin's kidney beans. Now, I'm not grossed out by many things but my stomach definetly did a flip when I saw how they looked. The one that was multicystic looked like something crusteacous pulled from the depths of the ocean. The other kidney was fairly normal looking, maybe a little on the small side with a few cysts on it. I remember Mom saying, "Oh, Meghan, you did a wonderful thing." We were able to put on purple latex gloves and pick up the kidneys. Chris jokingly asked if he could taste them. I had to fight off the disgusted look on my face.

In the end, we decided that we would like to keep part of them thinking that perhaps one day Joaquin would like to see them and maybe take them in for show and tell. They had already been sliced in half and so we got half of each kidney. And here they are - the picture doesn't do them true justice, so if you want to ever see them in the flesh, just ask.













Pretty gnarly, huh? The one on the left doesn't even look like a kidney and you can sort of make out the kidney shape of the one on the right. I'm still kind of grossed out by the thought that we are now the proud owners of Joaquin's kidneys and that they are sitting in a manilla folder in our room.

Do I feel a sense of closure? A little bit. I think in the back of my mind I will always wonder if the right kidney would have worked because he was peeing the whole time which means that the kidney was working. But who knows if the cysts would have grown bigger and caused problems. It was time. Seeing them definetly made me feel better about my choice, though.

Still on schedule for release tomorrow. We were informed today that there is no room for him in the day hospital Monday to have his super-pubic catheter removed, so it's been pushed back until Wednesday, which I'm not happy about but Chris says he's fine with it - he wants to make sure that kidney and ureter are all healed and ready to go. A man with an ultrasound machine came into the room today to view the kidney and so I got to view my, I mean our, kidney again. Looking good!

I also wanted to include a few more photos from today: