Signs and Times, Seasons and Reasons

It is sooner than we expected, but if everything continues to go smoothly as it has been this whole time, Joaquin will be released Friday. Today Cathy came in and sprang a pop quiz on Chris and I to see if we knew the 5 signs of kidney rejection and various questions pertaining to the transplant binder that we received in the middle of August. She said that she was very happy with how much we knew. She quizzed us on the medicines that we would be going home with, they are: 2 are anti-rejection medicines, 1 anti-viral, 1 anti-bacteria, asprin to prevent clotting which could cause problems with the blood flow to the kidney while it continues to heal, pepcid to help his tummy with all the strong medicines, and one more to keep his blood pressure up until he is at a point where the foodshe eats beyond formula they give him sustain it. We will give 2 at 8 am, 5 at 9am and then 2 at 8pm, 5 at 9pm. Pretty easy. She says it might be a good idea for us to prepare the meds ahead of time and then just bring them with us when we leave for the day just to be on the safe side. The prograf and the cellcept must be taken at 8pm sharp. Not at 7:55pm or 8:05pm because the levels must remain consistent so the body does not start going into rejection.

Rejection is always the biggest risk with transplant. Since a foreign object is placed into the body, it is the body's natural response to fight and attack the foreign object. The only case in which a person would not need to take anti-rejection medicines would be if they received a kidney from their identical twin. I feel good about being the donor because in a way it makes sense that an organ should come from the mama since the baby came from the mama. And I've read a study that suggests babies who were breastfed and received a renal transplant from their mama had a lower risk of rejection.

All arrows seemed to be pointing to me to be the donor, though. Around the beginning of July, when the doctors started talking more and more about transplant, the decision felt so heavy to me. I was confused because for so long I had held out hope for that kidney. After we hit the year mark I began to lose hope because I had felt that if that kidney was going to work it would have been within the first year of life. I don't really know why, I just think that the first year the baby is so new and itsbody is able to heal itself. And I think that everything was just starting to sink in about the fact that his kidneys never really worked to begin with. And we had been doing dialysis for a year - too long. Joaquin was hitting an age where his body didn't not depend mostly on nutrition for growth - it was looking to the kidneys to do their part. Some children who have what Joaquin does or whose kidneys do not work, they are behind developmentally. I feel we lucked out. Joaquin is not that behind, if at all. And he's a smart little guy too.

Another thing that point to me being the donor was that I was a stay at home mama. If Chris would have been the donor he would have had to take time off work - up to six weeks - and we cannot afford that. And then right around the time that we were moving forward with the transplant he started having some health issues (that have cleared up for the most part). When that happened I felt like it was even more of a sign; had Chris been going through donor work up and then had those problems there was no way would they have let him go through with it.

What also felt right about it was the season change. Falls a time for school to start and summer to end. We shift down and slow down. I find that I'm not as active or do as many things in fall/winter time - it's like I'm hunkering down and preparing for the long winter, hibernating. By the time we come home people will be in full on hiberation mode and we don't seem to be as social as we are during the summer - which is good for Joaquin because that means less germs. By the time cold season starts his immune system will be almost fully healed - as much as it can be from the immunosuppresants.

There were a few other little things that made it all seem like the right time as well. The social worker, Meg, that we had gotten to know when Joaquin had just been born and all the mayhem had started, returned from maternity leave on August 28th. My Mom's school started just a little bit before the surgery, so she didn't have to start the year and then take the time off. And... it just felt right. The psychic I went to consult when I was trying to make my decision said that July was not a good time for surgery because Mercury was in retrograde, which could cause little complications to arise. The surgery had originally been scheduled for July 31st and then it was bumped back by the renal team - which I took as a sign for it not to be the right time. She said I would just know when it was the right time - that we would be given a few little signs and we got them. She had also told me that she did not see the kidneys working again. It was like I knew that at that point, but I had been so against the surgery for my own personal reasons that it took her telling me that for my vision to be cleared.

A person's intuition is a very telling thing, a mama's is even more telling and powerful. Sometimes it can be hard to hear what your heart is telling you, but perhaps it's not so much listening as it is being aware and open to the signs.