Day by Day

A mama blogs the journey to transplant and beyond...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I Never Thought It Would Happen To Us

I think the hardest part of all of this for Joaquin was having to stay rather still in his hospital bed for 8 hours following his biopsy. It was important for him to do so because it would lower the risk of bleeding. We watched about three or four movies while Chris and Sage were out and about.

The other hard part was not having anything to eat or drink by mouth. He was on IV fluids so that he would not be dehydrated but it was still hard for a snacker like him. Not too long after he was situated back in his room the doctors okayed him having a popsicle. He was so excited and had about two and a half of them. He shared a little bit with brother too. After he demonstrated that he was able to hold down those they allowed him solid food. He made up for lost snacking time. Around eleven o'clock he was able to get out of bed and run around.

I woke up this morning feeling nervous complete with butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what to expect. Things were definitely going on with his kidney but to what extent we were all uncertain. The waiting was hard. When I got to the hospital we all went outside on a little veranda to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Chris and I were just talking about the doctors when Dr. Grimm turned the corner (kind of an ironic name, huh?) along with one of the fellows. He came out onto veranda with us to deliver the news. His face wasn't very telling but he didn't seem ecstatic at all looking back on it.

Basically, he told us that an unbiased pathologist (he prefers not to know whose kidney he's looking at) said that the kidney tissue looking inflammed and that based on that he would say rejection was going on. My heart dropped. The news we did not want to hear. He said that the good news (yay! good news!) was that he did not see any scarring which means that the rejection happening was reversible.

I have to be honest, my initial thought was that all those prayers didn't do anything. I was crushed. I lost faith. I felt shaky and a little weak. But I didn't cry. I clung to the hope the good news offered. Soon after I had that thought, I thought to myself that the prayers did work because there was no scarring. His kidney was not going to be lost. His kidney was healthy and if it was not healthy it could be again. Chris told me that maybe prayers didn't work specifically, if that makes sense. I figure that God or the universe had it's plan or path for us and that it will all work out.

It's sad, and Chris would probably say that I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I've lost a little faith in my own motherly intuition. Motherly intuition does not readily lend itself to kidney transplants, I've decided. To me, motherly instinct and intuition are natural things. Kidney transplant are not natural things. Perhaps I shouldn't lose complete faith, and I haven't. My motherly intuition falls short in all things concerning his transplanted kidney which ironically is my kidney. I told the doctor that I felt a little hurt that he would my kidney would reject him to which he quickly corrected me that it was his body rejecting my kidney. He also said that it's just a warm up for the teenage years. He said there are lots of complicated emotions surrounding donating kidneys. I guess I had just hoped that we wouldn't have to face rejection.

Dr. Grimm said that this type of rejection happens to about 30% of patients so relatively not uncommon. I asked if it perhaps was the emergence-c that we had given him when he was sick. His numbers got weird right around the time he got sick at the end of October - that's when all of this started to happen. The first indication being that his creatinine raised. He said it was a possibility and that when the sickness happened his body could have gone into red alert and that while running around fighting the nasty bad guy viruses it stumbled across the kidney. We'll know more on Monday and I'm sure I'm leaving something out here but I feel like I got most of it down.

I'm really not that scared although I did hit a wall today. We are going to be here in Palo Alto until probably Wednesday. They're starting him on steroids and antibiotics for the inflammation. By Monday we'll have the full picture. I'm thankful to have a little bit of info, though. I'm glad that part of the wait is over.

I've been trying to get pictures up but the computer around the hospital are not making it easy for me so hopefully sometime soon I'll have some to share. Joaquin has been in great spirits throughout all of this. The doctor said one of the side effects of the steroids is that he may develop a "voracious" appetite. I thought to myself, I don't know how much more this kid could eat. He already eats so much! So we'll see.

Thank you for keeping us in your thought and prayers. We appreciate it.


Anonymous jenn said...

i love you guys. jude and troy and i are all thinking of you and sending our most positive and healthy thoughts. please don't hesitate to ask if there's anything we can do!

4:10 AM  
Blogger A. Mama said...

We love you too! so much love and strength and healing being sent your way!!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have to remember, Gaia would not have given this to you if you and the fam didn't have the strength, support, courage and love to fight this.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Holden Utah's Mama said...

We've got your family in our thoughts and prayers.

9:58 PM  

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