Climbing the Mountain

At a distance a transplant can seem like such like such an overwhelming event especially when the outcome is not certain. I don't think that a person realizes how good life can be when your body's organs are all working and doing their part until they are on the other side of the figurative mountain. For me and my life experiences, when I saw something looming in the distance and I had to prepare for it - it was like, how is this going to work? Am I going to be able to do this? It was similar to preparing for a natural childbirth and comparing it to climbing a mountain. Standing at the bottom of the mountain looking up can look pretty daunting and one questions whether or not it is possible, and if so, how? But once you're are doing it or your in the midst of it, suddenly you look around and you're doing it. And before you know it, you've climbed the mountain and your looking down or looking back on what you've just done and you think, that wasn't so bad. Hindsight is 20/20. I always think about when we will be home and looking back on this time.

Yes, there are scary times throughout all of this - every little sniff or sneeze or cough I hear Joaquin make causes me to worry whether or not he's catching a cold and will have to hospitalized or worse. I have to admit that my severe resistance of the hospital has deminished and I think to myself that if we have to go back, we have to go back and we can do it. I'm not sure whether or not it's a good thing my hospital tolerance has gone up. Sometimes I feel like my strong repulsion was what kept us out of the hospital the whole year he was on dialysis, but I also realize that that sounds a little silly.

But throughout all of the what-ifs, rejection warnings and precautions from the transplant team, I have begun to see how good transplantation is for those who need it. For as much as I honor the cycles of life, such as death as a natural occurrence, I also have found a deep appreciation for what the medical institution can do for people who need a properly function organ.

There are two teenage boys staying at the RMH - one who has had a heart transplant and one who received a kidney transplant. The other day I was outside with Joaquin while he was playing in his little red car and my attention was caught by the two boys playing catch with the football near the back of the house in the play area. Two boys who before their transplants didn't feel good and probably couldn't have played football even if they wanted to, and now they're out running around. Despite the medicines and the doctors and the hospital, these people have a new lease on life and I am continually amazed at how well all of the children who have had transplants at the RMH are doing. I've always said that I wanted to be an organ donor if anything should happen to me, but I never really understood what that means to the people who really need that organ.

Tomorrow we are scheduled to have Joaquin's old PICC line taken out and another one placed at 8:30 a.m. in the PACU. I also have a donor follow up appointment with Dr. Concepcion whom I saw today while we were waiting to have Joaquin's blood drawn. He asked how Joaquin was doing and then asked how I was doing. I can honestly say that I'm feeling around 90% better now. I can lay on the side that the incision is on and I don't feel too much stiffness, although the area is still a little sore and numb. Dr Concepcion gave me an enthusiastic thumb up and proceeded on with his no doubt hectic day.

Here's a picture of Mom and Joaquin (yes, she really is here and not playing hookey from work and lounging poolside at some Club Med resort!). I just recently purchased this sling from another mama and Mom decided to take it Joaquin out for a spin in it. I swear that he's almost as big as her now.